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Here I am by Emily Finke

Here I am, yet who am I?
This body I don’t recognize.

Flickers of what used to be,
Assigned a new identity.

The face of someone I once knew.
Replaced by red, a different view.

Doctors, nurses, office visits.
Not life how I envisioned, is it?

Pretending everything’s ok.
Slap on a smile anyway.

My body stolen, give it back.
Return to me the strength I lack.

The pills, the tests, the therapy,
Take place of what once was me.

All that this disease has taken,
Feel I must prove that I’m not faking.

Invisible, not always seen,
Yet it’s there, behind the scene.

From outside, looking fine.
The inside struggle, it’s all mine.

Take a breath, have to explain,
Reasons have to entertain.

Life, I had so much diminished,
Just when I feel that I am finished.

Try to navigate the pain,
Things have changed. Can’t be vain.

The hair, the moon, the hands, fatigue.
I feel so far out of my league.

A scream inside, it makes no sound.
Lost, alone, a foreign town.

A path not many have to tread.
I’d choose another one instead.

Uncertainty and always wondering.
Heart is pounding,  brain is thundering.

These days can be a constant test.
For now, my warrior, let your heart rest.


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Emily Finke

I'm a teacher and mom of 2 adorable little boys, 1 big fur baby and a wonderful husband. My Dermatomyositis actually presented itself when I first found out I was pregnant in 2015. I was finally diagnosed in February 2019 after years of being written off.  Michigander now living in Florida.

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