I wake as tears begin to flow,
I cry before I even know what brought them on,
Realization . . .
The pain that never ends, it seems has found its way into my dreams.
The words came to me one evening as I was walking through my pain as I try to do; I was so tired that entire day because pain had once again kept sleep away the night before. As I continued walking I started to feel the familiar frustration and anger at the pain, the disease, my situation in general...and the first couple lines came to me. Poetry hasn’t come to me like that in many years, so I thought I should pay attention and jot the words down to maybe expand and finish another time. After adding the last lines I was stuck but then a few days later as I reread it, I realized the poetry already expressed all I needed it to express and left it alone.
It is a strange thing to find yourself with tears flowing but not quite realizing why; for me, this has been my experience with the chronic pain of myositis, it is so deep and vast at times I can’t fully process the magnitude of it. I don’t mean that as drama-queen-ish as that sounds it is just a new fact of my life and many myo patients’ lives).